Stay at the RPG Hotel
by The Maiden of Light
Summary: What happens when a crazy author and the Legend of Dragoon characters spend three nights in a hotel? Total choas... Rated for mild language. Completed!
1. Picking a Cast

Stay at the RPG Hotel By the Maiden of Light 

Author's note: This is the story by an imaginary author named Daisy. For this first chapter, you'll want to be familiar with the characters of Legend of Dragoon, Final Fantasy 7, and Inuyasha, or you might get a little confused. If you don't know who someone is, just replace them with people you know. That's what I do. On with the show!

Chapter One 

Picking a Cast

Daisy: Hello, and welcome to the Grand RPG Hotel. My name is Daisy, and I will be your author for this evening. The game cast of my choice will spend three nights in this luxurious hotel.

Barret: Dang it women, you don't have to go actin' like a frickin' perky tour guide!

Daisy: Step off loser! This is a regulation uniform. And I wouldn't be talking so tough if I were you.

Legend of Dragoon cast and Final Fantasy 7 cast: snicker

Barret: What the hell is so funny! looks down What the #$! How did I get in a dress!

Hascal: You look sOoo good in lavender, Barret.

Daisy: Never underestimate the author! Mwhahahaha! lightning flashes in back round

Barret: curls up in the fetal position Leave me alone! Whaaa!

Cloud and Dart: wearing red and blue dresses It's okay Barret. You're not the only one wearing a dress.

Lavitz: Why did you put Dart in a dress?

Disclaimer: The author owns none of the characters used in this fanfiction that belong to Legend of Dragoon, Final Fantasy, or Inuyasha. Only the author, Daisy.

Miranda: Where the $#! did you come from!

Disclaimer: Sorry I'm late. I had Inuyasha chasing me everywhere because I ran Neroku over.

Phone: Ring! Ring! Ring!

Yuffie: picks up the phone Hello? (voice mumbles on other line) It's for you. hands phone to Disclaimer

Disclaimer: Hello?

Phone: (Inuyasha) You Bastard! I was supposed to kill him! Now my series has been cut because no one wants to play the part of Neroku! hang up

Disclaimer: hangs up Okay... I'll be leaving now. hops in his car and drives off, Neroku is still splatted in the grill

Zieg: You were saying...

Daisy: He broke the Pepsi vending machine an hour ago.

Cid: Okay, but why is Cloud in a dress?

Daisy: I didn't put Cloud in a dress.

Everyone: looks at Cloud

Cloud: It makes me feel pretty!

Aeris: Is that mine!

Cloud: Uh... yes.

Aeris: begins viciously beating Cloud with her staff.

Cloud: Ouch! Owie! Please! Mommy, make her stop!

Doel: Ignore them. Get on with choosing who gets to stay in the hotel!

Meru: bounces up and down Pick us! Pick us! Pick us!

Sephiroth: Choose us or die! draws sword

Meru and Lenus: OooOooh! He's cute!

Sephiroth: No! Leave me alone! I'm taken!

Albert: By whom? I thought you had no time for women?

Sephiroth: Uh...Rose.

Everyone: Rose!

Rose: Lloyd was two-timing me, so we broke up. And I have a strange attraction to guys with silver hair.

Meru and Lenus: We don't blame you. dreamy look

RedXIII: On with the choosing!

Daisy: Okay! Okay! Who has a coin?

Melbu Frahma: I have one. gives Daisy a quarter

Daisy: flips the coin Make a call, Melbu.

Melbu: Heads!

Coin: heads up

Legend of Dragoon cast: Yeah!

Melbu: Hurry! To the Hotel!

Legend of Dragoon cast and Daisy: Run away

Tifa: examines the coin Hey! Both sides are heads!

There's chapter one for you. Please tell me what you think! I MUST KNOW! Just do that little clicky clicky thing on the little purple button. Chapter 2 coming soon.


	2. The First Night of Chaos

Disclaimer: Yeah! I'm here on time! Anyways, the author does not own any of the Legend of Dragoon paraphernalia. 

Chapter Two 

The First Night of Chaos

Daisy: Okay, the girls' wing is to the left and the guys' wing is to the right. Everyone go pick their rooms.

Everyone: Girls off to claim a room and the guys follow them

Daisy: Hey! I said the guys' wing is that way!

Dart: But that takes all the fun out of a hotel.

Daisy: looks at her watch 3...2...1...

Dart: spontaneously combusts, his guts splatter everywhere

Daisy: Sex-craved pyro freak. So, where is the guys' wing?

Guys: run away the other direction

The beach

Damia: Let's get a game of volleyball going.

Daisy: My serve first!

It's Damia, Daisy, Syuveil, Lloyd, Belzac, and Lavitz vs. Albert, Doel, Melbu, Emille, Zieg, and Miranda

Daisy: serves

Melbu: dives and misses

Miranda: You $#$#! How could you miss it!

Melbu: FOOL! No one dares insult the great wingley dictator Melbu Frahma! Evil Cow Minions! Attack the Sacred Sister!

Evil cows: attack Doel Moooo!

Doel: Noooo! What did I do! XX

Zieg: Okay... that was the wrong guy, but, that's okay. I think everyone gets the point.

Lavitz: serves

Syuveil: spikes back at Melbu and knocks his eyes out

Melbu: FOOL! No one dare knocks my eyes out and lives! Evil Sheep minions! Attack the Wind Dragoon!

Evil sheep: attack Lloyd Baaaaa!

Lloyd: Ahhh! Have mercy! NOOOO! XX

Daisy: My god, there's three wind dragoons playing and your sheep don't attack any of them.

Sheep: Okay, listen lady. We are only paid five bucks an hour by this guy to attack anyone he wants. Until our salary goes up, we don't care who we attack, as long as it's not the guy he wants.

Albert: A sheep strike. How interesting.

Melbu: Where are my eyes!

Belzac: Where did Emille go?

Syuveil: Over there points to other side of beach

Emille, Lisa, Rose, Meru, Shirley, and Lenus: hoolah dance in grass skirts

Albert: You know, If it weren't for the red dress and no pigtails, I wouldn't be able to tell Emille from Lisa.

Lavitz: I can tell.

Damia: How?

Lavitz: Emille has a much tighter butt than Lisa.

Albert: What!

Miranda: How would you know that?

Lavitz: I grabbed her butt when she walked by in the hotel. She thought it was Albert.

Albert: tackles Lavitz and beats the crap out of him How dare you! Bastard!

Daisy: Now where did Miranda and Zieg get to?

Miranda and Zieg: surfing the tubes

Syuveil: Well, Miranda and Zeig are surfing, Doel is dead, Albert is killing Lavitz, Emille is dancing, and Melbu still can't find his eyes. I guess we win!

All remaining players: Yeah!

Melbu: I found one of my eyes! pops the volleyball into an empty eye socket

Daisy, Damia, Syuviel, and Belzac: shudder Ewww...

(Over at the hoolah dancing)

Girls: hoolah dancing

Meru: Hey Lisa, who do you think is the cutest guy in the game?

Lisa: I would have to say... Albert.

Emille: What!

Shana: What makes you say that?

Lisa: He has a nice butt.

Emille: You B$#!

Emille and Lisa: cat fight

Lenus: Now that's what I call a royal cat fight.

Meru: Anyways...

Shirley: I think Lloyd is pretty cute.

Rose and Lenus: hmph!

Shana: What's with you two?

Lenus: Lloyd is a two-face, lying creep!

Shirley: What did he do?

Rose: When he and I were dating, I found out he was pretty friendly with that Tifa girl from the FF7 game.

Meru: What about you Lenus?

Lenus: I got that frickin' Moon dagger for him, fought off you guys so he could get away, and what does he do! He hits on Wink! He is such a bastard!

Shirley: What ever happened to Emille and Lisa?

Girls: Look around.

Rose: There's Emille.

Emille and Albert: cuddling together by the bon fire.

Lenus: And there's Lisa

Lisa and Lavitz: making out in the shadows of some palm trees

Shana: I guess that solves that problem. I still wonder what happened to Dart. Daisy said she brought him back to life.

Dart: FIRE!

Everyone: looks at Dart

Dart: tears off his clothes, streaks through the beach, and dives into the bon fire XX

Rose: I swear he is going to die at least twice in every chapter.

Daisy: One night down, two to go. Please review for me! If so, I'll set up a date between you and Lloyd.

Lloyd: What!

Daisy: See ya later!


	3. The Second Night of Chaos

Disclaimer: I am a repeat offender (here we go again). The author does not own anything from the Legend of Dragoon game. Only the insanity involved. 

Chapter Three 

The Second Night of Chaos

Private Lounge

Lloyd: playing video game Need...more... SP... for... Dragoon. Must...talk...like... this.

Damia: I swear, you can't even nail a simple addition.

Lloyd: Don't be mockin' my skillz!

Albert: drunk voice Dang, I look good in 3D. I should be the avatar.

Shana: Albert, what's wrong with you?

Dart: He might be a little, bit tipsy. He beat Kanzas in a drinking contest.

Syuveil: I never thought Albert was the kind of guy to drink like that.

Lavitz: Believe it. You should have seen him in Vegas.

Lloyd: Bwahahaha! Take that you obese salamander! Feel the wrath of my Cat's Cradle!

Melbu: now has a volleyball and a light bulb for eyes You will need something better than a weak little move like Cat's Cradle to beat me in my boss battle!

Meru: Hey! I have a better move than that.

Melbu: Prove it you weakling!

Meru: draws giant hammer Perky step!

Melbu: smashes through the window and plunges downwards XX

Syuveil scribbles something on a notebook

Shirley: What are you writing?

Syuveil: I'm keeping track of how many times everyone dies. So far it's Dart - 2, Doel - 1, Lloyd - 1, and Melbu - 1.

Daisy: Hey, at least I bring everyone back to life. Watch. snaps fingers

Melbu: (from outside and several stories below) Thank god, I'm alive! Ahhhhh!

Trunk horn blares followed by a nasty splat sound

Melbu: XX

Dart: Mark another one for Melbu.

Rose, Miranda, Lenus, Emille, and Lisa: walk in through the door carrying enormous shopping bags We're back.

Lisa: And look who we ran into. pulls Cloud forward

Daisy: What are you doing here? I didn't pick you guys.

Cloud: They caught me shopping for sword polish.

Albert: still drunk, grabs the bag from Cloud What else did you buy?

Lloyd: Yeah, did you buy any dresses.

Everyone except Cloud: cracks up laughing

Albert: reaches into the bag and pulls out a scanky piece of lingerie' Whoa...

Cloud: Give that back! snags underwear back

Lavitz: My god, man! You haven't done this much cross dressing since college!

Dart: laughs loudly

Cloud: Stop laughing at me! rips Dart's clothes off, exposing his frilly underwear

Dart: Eeeep! runs and dives out the window SPLAT!

Damia: Three checks for Dart.

Syuveil: Oh my god, you killed Dart!

Lenus: You bastard!

Rose: It's not like we care.

Lenus: Oh yeah.

Cloud: Wait! Maybe I can still save him! dives out the window I'm coming to rescue you, Dart! SPLAT!

Meru: Okay, now that Dart, Cloud, and Melbu are dead pops a CD in the stereo LET'S PARTY!

Speakers: It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.

Everyone: starts dancing

Albert: break dances

Daisy: Okay, I know this one was a little shorter. But at least everyone felt some sort of accomplishment. Meru killed Melbu. Cloud killed Dart. Cloud killed himself (that was productive). Albert is capable of drinking mass quantities of alcohol. We all learned about the dark secrets of cross dressing. And also, Albert learned to break dance.


	4. The Last Night of Chaos

Disclaimer: Okay, last one. The author does not own any of the Legend of Dragoon stuff. Daisy: Stuff? That's the best word you could think of? Disclaimer: That's it! I've had it! I'm going to Cuba for my vacation! I'm never going to talk to you again! drives off on a toddle bike 

Chapter Four 

The Last Night of Chaos

the Bar

Rose: I propose a toast to Daisy, for bringing us to this hotel for three incredibly chaotic nights!

Everyone: Cheers

Daisy: Aww, Shucks.

Lenus: Hey Albert! Will you break dance again?

Albert: No way. I still have a hangover from last night.

Lavitz, Lloyd, Hascal, Syuveil, Zeig, Doel, Dart, and Belzac: Oh...Idey, didey, didey, didey, didey, didey, die. Oh...Idey, didey, didey, didey, didey, didey, die. (Irish drinking Song)

Girls: sipping margaritas

Meru: I have an idea spins a beer bottle on the table whoever it lands on has to tell an unbelievable secret.

Bottle: points to Lisa

Lisa: Okay, um, Emille was adopted.

Emille: What! Why didn't you tell me before?

Lisa: So father and I could disown you and not feel ashamed. spins

Bottle: points to Meru

Meru: Once, I ate two hundred chili dogs

Dart: wobbles over to girls table

Meru: spins the bottle Next is... Lenus

Lenus: These aren't real.

All the guys in the bar: gasp!

Lloyd: Our relationship was a lie!

Lenus: Anyways... spins the bottle

Bottle: points to Miranda

Miranda: I've been dating Dart for the last year

Everyone in the bar: gasp!

Shana: gets up You've been cheating on me!

Dart: I'm sorry Shana, but I'm too sexy to be held down by just one women.

Shana: kicks Dart in the balls

Dart: (high squeaky voice) The pain!

Damia: Well, Dart. I suppose she should forgive you because you're drunk and a complete idiot.

Dart: (Drunk voice) Can I play your game too?

Shirley: Sure. spins the bottle It landed on you Dart.

Dart: I'm gay.

Rose: I knew it! Hey guys! Dart finally admits that he's gay!

Hascal: I was right!

Zieg: We were ALL right.

Dart: Whaaa! runs out of the bar into the streets

car horn blares followed by the all-too-familiar SPLAT sound

Syuveil: writes another tally for Dart

Albert: Dart died again, this calls for a celebration. Hit it sheep!

Evil sheep: grab a bunch of guitars and drums, and starts playing Love Shack

Rose, Shirley, and Lavitz: jump up on stage and start singing Karaoke.

Lavitz: You see a faded sign at the side of the road that says fifteen miles to the...

Rose and Shirley: LOVE SHACK! Love shack yeah!

Damia and Meru: dance on the bar counter

Everyone else: climbs on a table and does the Whole Shack Shimmy

Daisy: dials on her cell phone Where are you? The fic is over and you're supposed to give the ending.

Narrator: (on phone) I can't be there, for my court punishment, the judge says I have to do 200 hours of community service. I'm busy scraping dead Legend of Dragoon characters off the road.

Daisy: Fine, I'll get someone else to do it. Hangs up and uses her author magic to make the disclaimer pop up

Disclaimer: What am I doing here? My job is over.

Daisy; I need you to give the final narration for the fic.

Disclaimer: Okay, okay, I'll do it. And so the three night stay to the luxurious RPG Hotel is finally over. Where we bid a kind farewell to our...

Melbu: Evil chicken minions! Attack the disclaimer!

Evil chickens: Cluck! Cluck! Cock-a-doodle-doo! attack the disclaimer

Disclaimer: AHHHH! Help me!

Daisy: That's all folks!

The End 


End file.
